All this Covid19 madness… And our romantic relationship in all of this?
Week 2 of confinement here in Switzerland and we’re all starting to go a little mad. Last week Thursday, my other half and I were chillin’ on the balcony, thinking we’re pretty lucky to have that view, to have each other so close and all this time to share, and the weather - man, the weather’s been amazing! #blessedwiththeweather #swissspring
But a few days ago, I had a little bit of a breakdown after I found out a few people I love were tested positive... And with the intensive care patient numbers rising, and the DEATHS… Errr! I just had to cry a good hour to evacuate all the stress! And after that, it was us that went through a little bit of a crisis.
We’re annoyed at each other for being around here too much (seriously, when are you around someone this much?! - except when you have children I guess), but also annoyed that we’re not really spending quality time together because we’re also at work, at home (bleh)…
Anyways, I’m sure we’re not the only ones learning to deal with this new house arrangement - and man, kudos to all the parents out there! Anyways, straight to the point!
This whole situation kinda pushed us to establish a few house rules, and I thought it could be useful to you?
HOUSE RULES 2020
The sustainability of this household and our happiness heavily rely on the balance between our togetherness and separateness.
Our separateness. We take care of ourselves.
We both take responsibility for our own wellbeing. We are therefore accountable for living our life the way we deem is right to watch over the balance between the health of our body and mind, our work life, our personal development and our connections with friends and family. We understand that taking care of ourself holistically is the only way we’re able to contribute to the best of our abilities.
I love and accept you for who you are, and I give you space to be who you want to be.
I respect your state of mind/mood. If you say “no”, I don’t insist. I don’t guilt-trip you into doing things you don’t want to do.
I’m not overbearing, I give you space to be an independent adult. If you need my help/opinion, you ask.
If I don’t approve/like something you do, I distance myself unless my wellbeing is directly affected.
If you’re asleep or need sleep, I let you be and I am quiet.
When I want privacy, I close the door. When the door is closed, I ask you if it’s okay to come in before opening the door.
When I’m on the phone, watching videos or gaming, I agree to keep the noise to a minimum.
Our togetherness. We take care of our relationship.
We invest ourselves in this relationship with the intention of nurturing it. We understand it is not without individual and collective learnings, and we’re willing to observe and tackle the challenges, and voice concerns when appropriate so as to continue to find ways to strengthen and improve the quality of our relationship.
I love our relationship and agree to mind myself so we can improve it together.
I’m not in a competition with you, I’m proud of you. You’re one of my favorite people on this planet, I want you to succeed, be happy and well.
I understand we both have our own realities. When we’re arguing, I don’t minimize your point of view.
I don’t shy away from apologizing or thanking you every occasion I have.
When I feel I’ve given you more attention and affection than you lately, I give you space and time to come to me until I find it hurtful, and then I come to you to talk about it.
I do not swear or insult you.
If I notice something is not right between us, I immediately ask for us to sit down at a time that seems best for the both of us.
If I’m not in the right head space to talk about us, I let you know calmly and schedule for another time.
I understand I’m not more responsible for the state of the house than you. I have my own chores and preferences, but we’re a team.
I let go of expectations I, my family and society have of us. I welcome things that come naturally.
I think before I talk, and try my best to express myself as clearly and fairly as possible. I say “according to me” before making any statement and avoid any generalizations. I only say I’m sure of something when I’m really sure of something.
I decide to trust you and not ask that you justify yourself, or fact-check.
When we argue and I’m angry, I always mind the difference between your being and your doing.