As you know from the first part of this thread, I’m not a resilient person in my romantic relationship. So how would I know what to do to make things better, huh?
What I did though is a bit of research on the matter and I also looked at my attitude outside of my relationship.
Yep, turns out, I am pretty resilient. I’m probably not exceptionally resilient but certainly more than in my relationship.
So, what to do?
There are 5 things to look into and apply to become more resilient in your relationship, and likely ease some tension and reduce conflict.
1. Take a break because things take time.
It’s not all about sleep. It’s about giving your mind some rest.
You should probably get enough sleep and exercise in your routine too though. But how about hitting “pause” sometimes? I know it’s tempting to just get to the bottom of things right away.
It’s better to back off. It’s beneficial to let a day or two pass.
2. You have expectations? Take matters into your own hands.
It’s easy to blame the other for not being this or that, or doing this or that.
Being a role model is probably what is most impactful.
How about doing things that you wish the other did? How about meeting your own expectations?
How about letting go of all the expectations you have of the other, and taking the role of observer? Without judgment! Just see who he or she is without any pressure from you.
Be curious, be appreciative of the person you fell in love with.
Also, doing a reality check can change everything. Realistically, is what you’re asking feasible? Put yourself in the other’s shoes!
3. Don’t take things personally. Be confident and optimistic.
Keeping your distance sounds a little counterintuitive, especially in a romantic relationship.
However, remember you are two separate individuals and no matter what happened, it does not define who you are (and choose to be).
Be confident enough that you know the disagreement/argument is not representative of who you are. Let the conflict belong to the situation, in time and place.
How about turning to something you do well, and alone? Reconnect with your value. Don’t carry this situation around with you.
Take your part of responsibility, apologize for it — when you’re ready — and be hopeful that everything will fall into place.
4. Practice creativity. Think outside the box. Innovate constantly.
Not everything will go according to plan. Know this. Accept it.
It’s okay that things don’t go according to plan, because chances are, you’re on an even better path than you thought you were!
Be grateful for it!
5. Most importantly, forgive.
This is probably what’s most important: forgive yourself and forgive others. It’ll make it much easier to move forward, to let go, to do everything that’s mentioned above.
If it helps, at the beginning you could list the three things you could never forgive. These could one day turn into “things I will have a really hard time forgiving”.
The rest? It’s really not that hard to forgive. We’re all human. Life is full of surprises.
By the way, if you want to know your own resilience score: test here.