I recently watched “yes man” again and it was such an amazing and fun movie to watch. I was reminded of how important it is to say “yes” to opportunities in life, open up to the world, make it exciting and interesting.
And also, how we tend to forget to say “no”, and when we do, we struggle to draw the line between “I’m saying no because I am afraid of the outside” and “I’m saying no because this is toxic”.
So I thought I’d write a bit of a guideline to what I think should help us know when to say “yes”, and when to say “no”. The whole idea is to prevent us from becoming too introverted, and to prevent us from becoming total people pleasers, doing things we genuinely don’t want to do.
When to say no?
“When should I say no?”, you ask. “Well, when you know it doesn’t feel right” — ok, that’s just a s*** answer. Feeling it isn’t right might as well be that you’re afraid to disappoint, or fall behind. You might sometimes need to challenge your initial “no”, and say “yes” instead, even though “it doesn’t feel right”.
Here’s when “feeling it isn’t right” is justified, and you can say “no”:
When you’re feeling dizzy or tired, and your energy’s low. Go to sleep! Go rest your eyes! Go watch a movie and fall asleep in front of it! Your body needs it.
When you’ve done it a thousand times before and you don’t enjoy it, nor do you learn anything from it. You know it, you know you don’t like it, why waste your time on it?!
When you’re being belittled, forgotten or ignored by others. You’re feeling like s*** around these people? Do you usually fake your smiles, afraid to be yourself because you want to fit in? Don’t do this to yourself, you deserve so much better! Making small talk is important as it could be the start of a deep and meaningful friendship, but if it never turns into something and you’re exhausting yourself, don’t go. Say “no”!
When it’s going against your values. If you’ve read my recent post, you now know what your pillars are. Don’t spend any minute of your time going against those, unless it’s an opportunity to broaden your perspective.
When it’s costing you more than it can bring you, both literally and figuratively. It could happen once, but say “no” to that friend or ex-boyfriend/girlfriend who sucks up your time and energy over and over again, giving nothing in return. Don’t fool yourself, you are worthy of healthy, give and take, win-win, fair and square situations.
Other than that, say YES woman/man! Stop feeling so small! You are important to the world, you have no idea how much! As part of its ecosystem, it needs your light and energy.
Remember this: “a flower doesn’t look at its neighbour bloom, it just blooms” — Mel Robbins, the wise ;).