You're wondering how you'll get there? See if this helps!
Focus on your circle of influence only!
Imagine your life - your reality as a large circle, called the circle of concern. In that large circle, there's a smaller one, called the circle of influence.
In the circle of influence are all the things in life that you can control.
Focus only on the circle of influence.
You'll be exhausted spending another minute on things you cannot control.
Step 1: Define you and stop comparing to others.
Write it down, read it, do it.
Remember the tips in "The Real You in 5 Tricks"? Get your pen out and write - or draw if you prefer - something that regroups the major themes you uncovered. Use a positive language, one that you understand and that resonates with you.
The way you talk about yourself to yourself and others, about your projects, your life, your relationships and dreams, has a humongous - can't stress that enough - effect on your perception of reality as well as that of others listening to you!
What I did for myself is write a letter. It started with "babe, don't worry about this happening to you". I did it to remember who I am, what's important to me but more so to help me take a step back and see the big picture in times of doubt.
It's also a reminder to be kind to myself, to be patient and resilient.
So what will you do? Or, what have you done? These words must be out in the material world in some shape or form. There's no "it's all up here (your mind)"!
It's easy forgetting who we are in all the fuss of our modern lives. So write it up and make it visible! Stick it on your fridge, by your charging station, by your night stand, wherever you're sure to read, or even glance at, at least once a day.
Repeating it to yourself, it'll override limiting beliefs about yourself and you'll naturally embody it.
Turn off social media notifications.
Comparing ourselves to others is probably one of the worst things to do for self-esteem, right? Especially if you tend to be negative or self-critical. Plus, this terrible habit is enhanced with social media... but good news! It's actually not that hard avoiding it.
Get onto your settings, turn off notifications. Move the app to the last page of your home screens.
It's important to stop viewing ourselves heading towards the years, as if our lives sat on timelines.
See the little green humans on the right walking towards somewhere in more or less the same direction?
We compare each other at the same age, and rate our career prospects and paths, our relationships, our failures and successes.
Plus, we're subject to confirmation bias. If you believe you're not enough, you'll see only things that will confirm that for you. Everybody else will seem to have it more together than you do!
In reality, we are all heading in different directions. See here the little green humans with all the possibilities?
Our lives are not on a line, but on a large 3D pane. You choose where you go, no matter what others do or say.
Never compare again? Well, not exactly.
There are two reasons why you will still need to benchmark to position yourself.
1. To get inspired
Seeing what's being done out there is good for your drive and ambition. To do that effectively, you must surround yourself wisely.
Choose people, initiatives, projects or companies that embody your values and that also help you grow into who you want to be in the future.
"We are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with."
Also, try to see the positive in your life by writing in a gratitude journal every day. This will allow your perception of life to change to a more positive and encouraging one. You'll be more receptive to inspiration.
In no time, you'll find all the reasons to shine bright!
2. To do some self-improvement
Comparing to, not others, but a previous version of you is beneficial for self-improvement. Know where you're coming from and you'll realize how much you've done for yourself. How much you've grown.
However, like Dean Furness says, we ought not to compare to too-long-ago us, but really to yesterday us.
There's a tendency to look back and think "I used to be so confident", or "I used to be so fit!" Stop that.
Who were you yesterday? What did you learn yesterday? What are you applying today? How have you changed or grown in the last 24 hours? Compare yourself to yesterday's you.
I guess you could go back a few days and weeks even, but not only will your memory play tricks on you, you may also forget to consider all the microsteps you took that brought you to where you are.
Remember that whatever decision you made then, you did your best with what you knew and the tools you had. There's really no point comparing to a too-long-ago you.
Step 2 next week! Subscribe here if you'd like to be notified when it's out - I promise I never send anything else!