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Why You're Afraid To Be You

Arg! Friday's yesterday and I didn't deliver on time. I've been so busy for something quite exciting - will let you in on the details soon.

Back to our thread.

You might have done the "work" needed to find out who you truly are. You may even have done a few of the tricks I posted last week Friday.

Whichever way you did it, you have a fairly good idea of who you are now.

Still, something doesn't feel right. You feel out of place. You're somehow incapable of expressing your true self in everyday life.

Well, here are four of perhaps many other blockages that keep you from being you.

#1 You compare yourself

We all do it. It's in our nature to find a reference and benchmark so we can position ourselves. It's a competitive world out there and we ought to survive.

While it's common to compare, it's not harmless - in fact, it is quite the contrary.

Comparing yourself will keep you from putting your true self out there because whether you like it or not, your need to belong, to fit in, to be liked will always take over. You will limit your dialogue and narrow your mind.

#2 What you've been told

It's really hard quieting the voices in your head, especially the voices that belong to the people who've influenced you and whom you believed growing up.

Probably like everybody else, you've been called names at school. All your life, you've heard people tell you what's right and what's wrong, sorting the acceptable and the unacceptable.

You've heard other people's opinion of you. It's been good, and it's been bad.

Whatever those words are, because you believed - and perhaps still believe - that they define you, it is keeping you from being the true you.

#3 "You're never enough"

This message is written across the face of a parent, a teacher, a boss, it may even be written across the street on a billboard, and it's killing every genuine part of you.

Believing you're never going to be enough will also prevent you from being you. You may act to honor a standard that will never be enough. Notice how you've always perfected your future you, somehow hoping that sometime in the future you'll finally be enough.

If you think that today's you is not enough, then you'll never believe you're enough, and you'll never accept who you are, and you'll always be ashamed to put yourself out there.

#4 You're scared life's going to get tougher

Being you could mean that you're going against the current. It could be that life becomes tougher.

It could be that as soon as you speak your mind, some people will disappear. That's scary but remember that those who will stay, no matter how many, are those who accept and love you for you.

#5 Hurting others

It's a strange concept but it's real. You may be afraid to be you because you're concerned that speaking your mind will hurt other people.

It might. Actually, it probably will.

If you're kind and gentle, without stepping on other people's toes, you can safely assume that the hurt they're feeling belongs to them only. It's not your doing. It's their reaction to you.

"Honesty without tact is cruelty."

If you're tactful, compassionate and kind, there's no reason you should be afraid to hurt people being you.

Hurting others could also take another form: where you don't want to cast a shadow over others. It may feel arrogant but it's true. While some of us love crushing others to get ahead, some of us fear crushing others and certainly, never want to be in the spotlight.

A middle school teacher of mine shared this poem by Marianne Williamson and I believe it was the first time I recognized that the fear of being powerful exists.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Will post a step-by-step guide on how to concretely unlock your true self next week! Subscribe here if you want to get a nudge when it's out.

Be kind to yourself <3

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